Devil's Trill
by Ayatsuji
Summary: drabble series: On Axel and Roxas and heartless nobodies. :gen, AxelRoxas
1. Blue

This is my first Kingdom Hearts related ficcage, ever. First Final Fantasy related ficcage, ever. First Square-Enix related ficcage, ever. If it sucks, that's probably why. If you let me know what you think of it, I'll love you for forever. 

(x) **Date:** 2006.04.29  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Summary:** On Axel and Roxas and heartless nobodies.  
(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 01  
Word Count: 271

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Blue" 

—x—

He didn't like Sora.

Sora reminded him of Roxas—he was everything that Roxas wasn't but still managed to be one and the same. They had the same eyes—but Roxas' were brighter. They had the same hair—Roxas' was blonder, messier. They had the same determination—Roxas wasn't _stubborn_ or _foolhardy_.

They even had the same smile.

Except that Roxas didn't smile.

Maybe that's what Axel liked about him; Roxas was everything Sora was and everything Sora wasn't—but he didn't smile and that gave Axel's non-existence meaning. Or maybe it was because Roxas seemed to lack a self more so than the other members of the Organization—more nobody than any of the other Nobodies. And Axel actually felt like he was worth something every time he made Roxas' lips twitch because Roxas didn't smile and Axel didn't have a heart.

Axel said they were friends, Roxas said he was annoying. Axel said he liked Roxas, Roxas said he got in his way. But still, Roxas made him feel and for someone who had no heart, feelings were something new and that's why Axel liked him.

He didn't like Sora.

Sora slept for a year and Axel met, found, and tried to keep the Nobody who had a heart but couldn't feel.

And then Sora woke up and Roxas faded away into smiles and blue eyes as clear as the afternoon sky and Axel felt something break inside of him.

He decided then—after the blue dulled and the spikes tamed and the determination became hardheadedness—that he hated the color blue with all the heart he didn't have.

—x—

-end-

* * *

Eh, well, this drabble seems to have gotten good response on LJ, so I thought I'd post it here as well. And well, I don't like floating drabbles all over my account—makes it seem cluttered—so I've turned it into a one-shot series. They're all AkuRoku mostly/probably un-related shots because AkuRoku is the most canon-pairing in Kingdom Hearts, ever. Devil's Trill sums them up rather nicely, I think. 


	2. Ice Cream

To those of you who left me reviews for the previous drabble, thanks so much! I hope you like this one as well, and I hope you'll let me know what you think of it!

(x) **Date:** 2006.04.30  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix 

Installment: 02  
Word Count: 490

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Ice Cream" 

—x—

Axel's happiest memory of Roxas involved ice cream. Twilight Town's famous sea-salt ice cream was a cold sweet that Roxas seemed to be very fond of—he found it amusingly ironic that the coldest of the Nobody loved the cold sweets the best—and the only initiative the blond-haired boy had ever taken to showing any affection towards the red-haired Nobody was to share it.

He could still remember his reaction to the idea of sea salt and ice cream: it hadn't sounded very tasty when Roxas had held the bar of ice cream out to him and he had expressed his distaste by making a face and sticking his tongue out at the offered sweet. "Sea salt?" he had asked, his tone of voice not-quite a sneer, "That sounds really gross, Roxas."

Roxas had only shrugged and continued holding the bar of ice cream out for him, waiting for him to take it as he licked at his own treat. "Do you want it or not?" Roxas had asked nonchalantly, and Axel couldn't help but take the present from him.

Even if he didn't like the ice cream, he liked Roxas and Roxas had never shared anything with him before.

Axel's happiest memory of Roxas involved ice cream.

It was his only happy memory of Roxas—Roxas was never happy and so Axel was happy for both of them.

When Roxas left the Organization, Axel no longer had anyone to be happy for—no one to smile for—and the Nobody who wasn't supposed to feel began to feel loneliness.

Loneliness is nothing like happiness—Axel didn't like it. Roxas had never been one to keep mementos and Axel had been the same. There was nothing to remember Roxas by and Axel slowly found himself forgetting.

"I'd like to buy two bars of sea-salt ice cream, please."

He began buying two bars of the sweet he didn't like every day; smiling, Axel would offer one bar to a Roxas only he could see and he'd eat one while the other melted in his hand. He didn't like the taste, but it made his memories of Roxas seem real and that was all that mattered.

Later, when Axel realized where Roxas had gone and what had happened, he bought another two bars of sea-salt ice cream and this time offered it to a Roxas who existed but didn't remember and his ice cream had never tasted so bitter.

Roxas seemed to appreciate the gesture, though, and this Roxas that wasn't _his_ Roxas smiled at him and thanked him for the ice cream before walking away to find the friends he'd made when Axel hadn't been around to be his only friend.

And Axel could only watch as Roxas walked away from him again and he did nothing to stop him.

He bought another two bars of ice cream the next day, and let both of them melt in the sun. 

—x—

-end-

* * *

Not quite sure if I got the idea across but well, I liked the last line.

Next drabble: "Love"  
_If Axel had to name the one person he loved, he'd pick Roxas. _  



	3. Love

Wow, I'm glad so many of you like this series. Thanks so much to the people who reviewed the last story—! I hope you'll let me know what you think of this drabble as well—!

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.01  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi 

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 03  
Word Count: 372

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Love" 

—x—

Axel had no perception of love. 

He had heard all about it, of course, mostly from Larxene who had had an amusing fascination with romance novels—heard more than he really wanted to, since Larxene never shut up. Still, despite all he had heard about the emotion, he could not comprehend it. Larxene most likely hadn't been able to either—her descriptions had been limited to detached quotations of whatever book she'd most recently read and random contemplations as to what actually having feelings would be like.

According to what Larxene had told him, love was supposed to be the most wonderful feeling in the world—something that would make him feel completed. It was supposed to make him feel warm and willing to do anything for the object of his affection.

It was supposed to make his life worth living.

Axel wasn't supposed to feel anything—his non-existence dictated that quite clearly. But if he were to honestly put a label on a person—if he were to seriously examine the people he wasn't supposed to care for and pinpoint the one he could possibly love...

He'd have to pick Roxas.

Xemnas was always talking about Kingdom Hearts; that the Organization needed the hearts within in order to exist. That as heartless beings, the Nobodies needed hearts to become complete.

But Axel didn't care about Xemnas, or Kingdom Hearts, or becoming complete.

He didn't need a heart—Roxas filled that role already.

Axel didn't need _a_ heart because Roxas was the solid manifestation of the heart he didn't have. As long as Roxas was there, Axel didn't need anything else. Roxas made Axel smile and laugh because Roxas did neither. Roxas made him willing to do anything to keep Roxas with him because he knew Roxas wouldn't do the same. Roxas made his non-existence worth it, because Roxas thought his wasn't.

If Axel had to name the one person he loved, he'd pick Roxas.

But in the end, Axel thought, Larxene was wrong about love—about everything.

Love was the worst feeling in the world—even more so for someone who wasn't supposed to feel at all. And he hated that he couldn't hate Roxas for making him feel that way.

—x—

-end-

* * *

I'm getting better, I think. Roxas and Axel are very difficult to write and/or characterize, I hope I'm doing alright by them. 

Next drabble: "Disillusion"  
_Axel had never let himself be deluded into thinking Roxas actually liked him.  
_


	4. Disillusion

Again, thanks to all of you who reviewed the previous drabble. I'm glad it's getting such nice responses (I had originally expected to be mobbed for bad characterization or something) and I hope you'll continue to let me know what you think of it.

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.02  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 04   
Word Count: 823

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Disillusion" 

—x—

Axel had never let himself be deluded into thinking Roxas actually liked him.

For a Nobody whose Other was a boy that cared for everyone, Roxas felt nothing in the most literal sense of the word. For Nobodies that weren't supposed to feel, Axel found that they were capable of a surprisingly wide range of emotions and even if he couldn't recognize the majority of them, he still felt them and that was what mattered.

Roxas felt nothing, and Axel thought it was Sora's fault.

Because Roxas' Other still existed, all the feelings Roxas might have been able to feel couldn't be felt by him because Sora was the one who felt them. Axel could feel because Axel's Other was long gone—and the only memory Axel had of him was the knowledge of what it was like to have a heart.

Axel liked Roxas—he cared for Roxas like he cared for no one else and he wasn't ashamed or afraid of making it known. While Roxas never responded to the many hugs or teasing comments Axel gave to him, Axel got the feeling that even if Roxas was the only one who truly couldn't feel, the gestures still got through and that maybe when Roxas returned to his Other, he'd still remember Axel.

"I like you," he had often said while hugging the blond-haired Nobody from behind. "You're the only one I like," he'd claim.

Roxas would only shrug out of his embrace and say, "I know you do." But every time he said that, Axel felt it was only an acknowledgement of the way _he_ felt—that Roxas thought it was something that couldn't be changed and therefore could only tolerate it.

It was discouraging, at most, but Axel had never allowed himself to think Roxas could care for anything or anyone—him least of all—and refused to be disappointed. Instead, he made it the purpose of his non-existence to be the one who could make Roxas actually feel something and so he did it by providing the emotions and expressions that Roxas could neither feel nor make.

"I like you," he would say with a smile and a laugh and although Roxas would only look at him with the same, calm expression he always had on his face, Axel still felt he was getting somewhere. "Don't ever leave me, okay?" He would say then, wrapping his arms around the boy and burying his face in the messy blond hair. "I know you don't care about me, but I'd miss you a lot..." 

And Roxas would just stand there and allow Axel to hold him, never moving and never saying anything. It was fitting, Axel thought, because it just wouldn't be Roxas if he said anything and Axel liked Roxas for Roxas.

Axel didn't let himself believe Roxas would ever return any of the affection he showered upon the boy on a daily basis, but as Nobody as the Nobodies were, Axel had learned they were more human than even many humans and if there was one thing that humans knew how to do, it was how to hope.

He hoped, and hoped, and didn't even know he hoped, but he felt sick and tired when Roxas left and knew he had let himself care too much. When Roxas left, Axel searched everywhere for the one person he considered a friend even if the feeling wasn't mutual and Axel supposed that what he felt was desperation.

"My Roxas is gone, isn't he?" he asked himself after he found the boy, lost and confused but happier even if he still never smiled, and Axel missed the Roxas who cared for nothing at all. The realization made Axel feel despair and Axel found himself missing the nicer feelings he had felt for Roxas in the place of Roxas and it was then that he learned that he didn't need a heart to feel that horrid weight on his chest that would never go away.

Even after Roxas left, Axel had continued to let himself hope although he knew that to hope too much was to destroy himself from the inside. He continued to hope that for all he had cared for him, maybe a small part of Roxas would remember after fading away and returning to a persona so cheery, naive and trusting that even Axel had trouble finding Roxas within.

Like Sora projected an aura of innocence and naivety strong enough to make him sick, hope was an illusion that did nothing but mislead and control his outlook on life. "I don't like you," Sora said angrily as Axel approached him with the idea of getting close enough so he could search for the Roxas he knew was still in him.

Nobodies that truly couldn't feel were the lucky ones, Axel decided then.

He found Roxas in Sora in that moment, and somehow, he knew it had been Roxas speaking. 

—x—

-end-

* * *

My AkuRoku is bittersweet, real, and sometimes unrequited. These are, again, all unrelated one-shots, and I hope you enjoyed this one. (If you were distracted while reading it, I advise you read it again carefully—some of the sentences can lose you if your attention wanders. 

Next drabble: "Water"_  
You can't hold onto water forever—eventually, it seeps through your fingers._


	5. Water

Okay, so I've been having a kind of dead week. This would have been up sooner but I haven't had internet access for the last four days and it's been a rather hectic week with my family moving into a new apartment and all. Seriously, I had no clue we had so much _junk_ in our house. In any case, this is the fifth installment of this series and I've been really happy with all the kind responses I've gotten so far. You're all awesome, really. (It makes me actually want to seriously enter this fandom—and I would if half of it didn't scare the hell out of me, no offense.)

So, number five for all of you and I hope you like it! (And even if you don't, please let me know? To tell you the truth, I'm wondering how quickly I can kick the review count up to fifty—help me out? Hee.)

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.03  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 05  
Word Count: 361

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Water" 

—x—

Axel never tried to hold onto Roxas, because Roxas was like water; and like water, he'd eventually slip through his fingers. 

The first time Axel saw Roxas, he had the same impression he had gotten when first introduced to Vexen; the air had been like ice around the boy, but he hadn't gotten the sadistic feeling that practically rolled off the older Nobody in waves. It wasn't until later, as Axel got to know Roxas, that he decided Roxas wasn't like ice at all—Roxas was water and Axel was addicted.

Water is deadly to fire, but water was his drug and as with any addiction, Axel had become dependent on Roxas to give meaning to his existence. He didn't care about the possible repercussions that came with this dependency—he welcomed the feeling because having someone to exist for was better than existing for nothing at all.

Axel died slowly—painfully—when Roxas left him standing on the streets at the end of the world, and Axel wanted to run after Roxas and hold him and never let him go. He didn't, though, because in the end Roxas would have left him anyway.

Instead of keeping Roxas from leaving and inspiring his enmity, Axel chose to follow Roxas and provide added protection for the Nobody that was his everything. However, like water, Roxas followed a path that returned to something larger—something more complete—and as a river running back into the ocean, Roxas slipped away and disappeared into cheeky grins and shining cerulean blue eyes that expressed a vastness as clear as the sky.

He transferred, then, the affection he held for Roxas not to Sora but to the Roxas that still lay within Sora and he protected Sora with the same zeal he had always shown for Roxas. Sora wasn't water as much as he was sky, but the sky contains life-giving moisture that continued to sustain Axel's non-existence even as he faded away into wisps of black fire and smoke.

Roxas made him feel like he had a heart, and as his fire burnt out, he wished he could taste the water again, just one last time.

—x—

-end-

* * *

This one was born of Sadistic Otaku, to be honest. I asked her for a theme at lunch (the day I wrote it—which was about a week ago) and she pointed to a water bottle. 

Next drabble: "Smile"  
_Axel's mouth smiled for everyone, but his eyes were for Roxas alone. _


	6. Smile

I actually wrote this drabble nearly a week ago and the next one is also up and ready to go—except, well, I almost forgot about AkuRoku these past two days...I was caught up with _Fate/stay night_ and a little busy falling deeply in love with Saber. Heh, anyway, two very nice reviews dropped by today and reminded me that I'd forgotten to post this one and I hurriedly uploaded it for you guys. So, I'm very sorry for the wait and I hope I haven't lost your interest! 

(Also, I'm so close to fifty reviews! Just four more before I break that milestone! So far, every first-out-of-three drabbles has been dedicated to some random person I've thought was awesome, every second-out-of-three has been for my darling koi, and every third-out-of-three has been for Gogo-chan. So for whoever actually reads my opening notes/message, if someone can get me to sixty reviews by the time I post the next drabble, I'll write the tenth one for that person—numbers eight and nine have already been planned out for Mocha and Gogo, so you'll see those soon, I think. But that's only if I hit the sixty-mark _before_ I post the next one!)

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.06 - 2006.05.07  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 06  
Word Count: 339

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Smile" 

—x—

Axel's eyes were a striking shade of green that went well with the vivid red that was his hair and immediately caught Roxas' attention upon their introduction. His mouth was constantly turned up in a grin or a smile that would have been contagious had Roxas only known how to form the expression—Roxas had never bothered trying, though; he sometimes thought the muscles just weren't there. 

It was immediately obvious to Roxas and everyone else in the Organization that Axel was exceedingly fond of him. Roxas didn't think he had the emotional capacity to comprehend the feelings Axel held for him and believed he might not have noticed at all had Axel not been insistent on making it known to him.

"I like you," were the three words Roxas heard most often from Axel's mouth, and every time they were said to him, Roxas could only wonder if maybe he wasn't as Nobody as Axel must have thought he was. He almost thought his non-existence could possibly be worth something, if it only gave Axel something to exist for.

He liked it when Axel smiled; he liked seeing Axel smile at him with a smile that was so clearly different from the smile he offered to everyone else. The expression Axel showed to Roxas nearly always reached his eyes, and Roxas had always thought it made him look that much kinder.

Roxas felt something, every time Axel looked at him, but he didn't know what it was. It always faded away immediately, and was nothing more than an initial pang to the part of his chest where a heart should lay, so he dismissed the feeling and never thought anything of it.

Axel's eyes smiled for Roxas alone, and although Roxas didn't feel nothing, in the end he didn't feel anything either.

—

When Sora awoke after his year-long nap, the first thing he saw before Donald and Goofy came into focus were green eyes framed in a black hooded-cloak—and he wondered who those eyes were smiling for.

—x—

-end-

* * *

This one was for Gogo-chan, as was drabble number 3. I started writing it during May SATs and if you were to look on the back of my admission ticket, the inspiration lines are scribbled all over on it. 

Next drabble: "Holy"  
_Larxene noticed everything and laughed only because there was nothing to laugh about._


	7. Holy

I hit 60—61, even! And as promised, for my darling Rach (Boys on Boysenberry-Hime), drabble 10 will be written for her. What that is, is...well, currently undecided. Anyway, thanks so much to all of you guys for all the kind feedback and for helping me reach this many reviews so quickly! You're all awesome and I love you all—! This drabble's a little bit different from the others, as it's AkuRoku/Aku+Roku from someone else's point of view. I hope you'll still like it, though, and will perhaps let me know what you thought? 

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.08  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 07   
Word Count: 563

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Holy" 

—x—

Larxene had been relieved when Roxas joined the Organization—as the youngest and the newest of the Organization, Larxene's Number XII hadn't garnered any respect from the rest of the group. The only members that even acknowledged her had been those nearly as young as she was, and in that, the already limited range was narrowed down to just Demyx. Axel wasn't as old as the other members, but as Number VIII, he wasn't nearly as new as she was and took an annoying delight in teasing her every chance he got.

When Roxas joined the Organization as Number XIII, he became the youngest and the newest member and Larxene finally had someone she could honestly boss around and get to do as _she_ wished. Not that that ever happened—Roxas wasn't nearly as easygoing as Demyx was, and she often found herself unwilling to approach the blond-haired boy for fear his lack of a personality would sap hers away as well.

She thought it was funny, the way Axel doted on the boy. Roxas had the older Nobody eating out of his hand within days of their introduction and Larxene had never laughed harder. It was only later, as she reflected on some balcony railing, that she thought maybe she was only laughing because there was nothing to laugh about.

The feelings Axel held for Roxas were so obvious that they were painful for her to watch and see just as obviously the way Roxas didn't return them. Somehow, though, Larxene thought that those feelings were made purer _because_ they weren't requited. It was easy to see just how much Axel cared for Roxas, and she idly wondered exactly how it was possible for someone without a heart to feel things only the heart could feel. Perhaps the ability to do so, she thought, was what set Axel aside from the rest of them. Axel's obvious emotional capacity, even if it only had room enough for Roxas, was beyond anything she could possibly comprehend and she imagined that maybe that was what came from being able to remember, in vivid detail, exactly what it was like to have had a heart before.

Larxene was starting to forget what having a heart was like—the only thing she remembered was the horrid, heavy weight that had been in her chest. She didn't miss it at all, and very nearly pitied Axel for being able to feel the very things that made a heart so heavy in the first place.

Axel didn't need a heart in physical form, she thought, because Axel had everything that made up a heart already.

Reading was a hobby of Larxene's that Demyx sometimes questioned. He didn't understand the way Larxene's mind hungered for something with which to keep her mind occupied, and that as a feisty, volatile young girl, one of the only ways to keep herself calm was to fill her mind with knowledge. It was through books that Larxene learned about the feelings she could see Axel feel, and it was through books that she was able to learn the name of the emotion Axel felt specifically for Roxas.

It was through books that Larxene learned to see things for what they were.

What Axel and Roxas had, Larxene thought, truly was holy. It was just too bad that for those of the Organization, nothing holy ever lasts.

—x—

-end-

* * *

Written for the ZOMGAMAZING Kunisaki/Sou-chan, who is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and one of my favorite artists in the universe. (It's just too bad she likes RikuSora, but hey, to each their own—I'm partial to Ansem/Riku, myself. ...That probably explains all the angst to you guys, doesn't it?)

Also, to be honest, my drabbles aren't always Axel/Roxas, necessarily. Yes, they are AkuRoku, but sometimes it's unrequited, sometimes it's just friendship, but above all, it's Axel, it's Roxas, and it's gen rated. I'm really glad you guys have been enjoying it so far.

Next drabble: "Memory"  
_Even if nobody else remembered him, Roxas remembered them and that was enough to make him real._


	8. Memory

You reviewers are the win, seriously. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and to everyone who's read the story and enjoyed it even if they didn't review, but you're all awesome and you seriously make me want to write more. This is number 8, and I'm sorry it took me a week to remember I needed to post it, but I hope you enjoy it even if it is somewhat disjointed. (I got lost a little along the way, but I managed to find myself again at the end.) Let me know what you think of this one as well? 

(So, um, who wants to help me reach a goal of 100 reviews? Doesn't need to be by _this_ chapter of course, but soon? I will love you forever, seriously.)

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.15  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 08  
Word Count: 451

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Memory" 

—x—

_"Do you remember me, Hayner? Pence? Olette? Do you remember our summer vacation together?"_

_"What are you talking about, Sora? We didn't meet you until summer vacation was over..."_

Hayner, Pence, and Olette didn't remember him, but Roxas knew and accepted that. He was Sora on the outside, because Sora was both the conscious personality and the physical appearance—the one that everyone knew and the one that everyone liked.

Nobody remembered Roxas, because Roxas didn't exist. But when Roxas faded away, he didn't disappear entirely. Roxas faded away into Sora and sunk into a deeper part of Sora that only awoke sometimes, when Sora was asleep. He was still Sora in all likelihood, but it was Roxas' consciousness and Roxas only wished people could recognize that.

_"Do you remember me? My name is Roxas; it's a pleasure to meet you. What's your name?"_

Roxas didn't exist in a literal sense, but his memories were still intact and he still envied Sora of his summer vacation that had come to an end. Hayner, Pence, and Olette...they didn't remember the time the four of them spent together because that period of time had never really happened. The summer holidays that they spent taking jobs, fighting the Struggle battles, and then going to the beach...three of the four had forgotten, but Roxas remembered and that was all that was needed to make the experience real.

"My name is Roxas, Hayner." Sora said to a Hayner who looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "My name is Roxas, and you were my friend."

Hayner stared at Sora, and Roxas felt as invisible as he really was. "Sora, are you alright? Maybe it's the summer heat...I don't know anybody named Roxas, and your name is Sora."

"My name is Roxas, Hayner, not Sora." Sora sighed, and Roxas gave up. "Maybe you don't remember me, but I remember you, and that makes me real."

Roxas' summer vacation had ended when his memory disappeared into bright smiles and cerulean blue eyes that saved the worlds. He disappeared, but he still remembered, even if no one else did.

—

Nobody remembered Roxas, except the Nobody named Axel. And whereas Sora would have wondered how Axel could still exist, Roxas knew the answer already and was grateful for it. Nobodies could never die or truly disappear; after all, one cannot eliminate the existence of something that never existed in the first place.

"What is your name?" asked Sora quietly, when the red-haired Nobody walked up to stand behind him.

Axel was silent for a moment, and Roxas held his breath for the answer he wanted to hear.

"My name is Axel, Sora. And your name is Roxas."

—x—

-end-

* * *

This was written for my darling Mocha-koi, who also noticed the disjointed-ness but couldn't help but feel sorry for Roxas anyway. I apologize if I lost anyone along the way, but well, when I lose myself, I guess it's given that I might have lost a reader and maybe my point didn't get across but I hope it wasn't too bad anyway. (Actually, this particular one got a lot of positive feedback on LJ, I wonder how it'll do here? Let me know, please?) 

(Also, the next drabble is rather tentative, since it's something I don't normally do, but so far it's gotten good responses on LJ and I'll see how it does on FFnet when I post it.)

Next drabble: "Moments"  
_Demyx always knew that Roxas liked Axel the best, and he said so because an Axel without a smile on his face wasn't Axel at all._


	9. Moments

Wai—! 90 reviews for 8 chapters! And that's not counting all the feedback I'm getting on LJ! Thank you all so much—! In any case, I feel I owe you all an explanation as to why it took forever for me to get drabble 09 out to you. Well, first, I like leaving happy little preview lines on the bottom and if the next one isn't written yet, I can't do that. But specifically for this drabble...well, it's very tentative. I don't normally write this kind of thing because well...it's borderline song-fic except not. I was originally planning on scrapping this particular drabble and writing another one for the same theme, but I decided to put it through a trial run on LJ and see what kind of feedback I'd get, and it was pretty well received for the most part.

In any case, I just want you guys to know that no, this isn't the type of thing I normally write, and maybe some of you won't like it as much as the others, but I hope it won't be a total flop here. Please let me know what you think (my goal is still 100 and counting, help me reach my goal?) whether you like it or not!

(x) **Date:** 2006.05.22  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix  
(x) "Seasons of Love" © RENT Motion Picture Soundtrack

Installment: 09  
Word Count: 649

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Moments" 

—x—

Demyx liked to sing. He liked to sing whatever song happened to be popular in whatever area he had most recently visited, and he liked to sing songs that he vaguely remembered liking before he lost his heart. Sometimes, the song didn't even have to be a song; Demyx was fine with strumming up a random, aimless tune on his sitar and then just screaming out any nonsense lyrics that came to his mind.

Sometimes, Demyx wished he had someone to play and sing for, as the Organization members weren't much of an audience. Axel, however, would listen to him sing even when he wasn't quite ready to perform a song yet, and would even clap for him. Demyx appreciated that.

"Isn't it supposed to be '_five_ hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes?'" Axel asked as Demyx paused to figure out why his sitar was off tune.

"Yeah, it is," agreed Demyx jovially, although he was rather surprised that Axel even knew the lyrics to this particular song. "Why, what did I say instead?"

Axel shrugged, "You were singing '_one_ hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.'"

"Really? Thanks, I won't make that mistake again." Having retuned his sitar, Demyx grinned at Axel and played a few notes before continuing where he left off. "_How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife?_"

He was pleasantly surprised when Axel's voice joined in with his own to sing, "_In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in the life?_" Axel wasn't really _singing_, persay—it was too half-hearted for it to be a true harmony—but Axel was at least voicing the words, and although Demyx didn't know where Axel had heard the song or how Axel could have possibly known it well enough to actually sing it with him, it felt nice to sing with someone else and Demyx didn't ask anything of it.

—

It was later, as Axel and Demyx sat around idly doing nothing, that the subject of Roxas was brought up. "Do you wish he'd just come back?" Demyx asked quietly as Axel leant back on his palms and looked up at the blank ceiling with an expression on his face that made Demyx wonder just what was going on in his mind.

There was a long silence as Axel thought about his answer before simply saying, "Yeah, I do."

Demyx kicked at the ground below him aimlessly and smiled at Axel. "I'm sure Roxas misses you as well, Axel," he said with an optimism that he was sure Axel didn't feel. "He always liked you best, anyway."

Axel smiled at that, and Demyx felt he had done something right by cheering up the older Nobody. "_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes..._" Axel hummed softly, nodding his head to the rhythm of the song at the same time. "_How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee..._"

"Hey, Axel?" asked Demyx suddenly, pausing in his silent mouthing of the lyrics to look up at Axel who had his eyes closed to the music he was humming.

"Hm? What is it?"

Demyx looked away and didn't continue for a few moments as he wondered how to ask his question; he looked back up at Axel when he had finished wording it in his mind and asked, "How do you measure a year in life? Do you measure in love, like those people in the song?"

Axel chuckled slightly, but fell into a thoughtful silence anyway as he tried to come up with an answer to the question. It was with an awkward smile and sad eyes that Demyx thought didn't belong to him that he said, "I measure a year in life...in moments Roxas spent with me."

—x—

-end-

* * *

Was written for my darling Gogo-chan, who said she liked it. (Uh, yes, this song was stuck in my head when I wrote this, why?) Waffy, fluffy-ish. More so than the other ones, anyway. Let me know what you think of it, I'll love you forever—! 

Next drabble: "Replacement"  
_It hurt, when Axel looked at Sora, because Sora reminded him of Roxas but wasn't Roxas, and Roxas wasn't there anymore._


	10. Replacement

Words cannot express how much I love you all for the reviews I got. I've exceeded 100 and that just about made me spazz. Thank you _so_ much! I'll be leaving for two weeks for Taiwan on the 19th, and so I'll go into temporary hiatus in regards to fic-writing. Before that, though, I wanted to leave you guys with another drabble and I'll give you the next one when I get back. Thanks so much again, and I hope you like this one!

(x) **Date:** 2006.06.01  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 10  
Word Count: 428

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Replacement" 

—x—

Sora was a lot like Roxas in every aspect except that he wasn't Roxas. But Sora looked like Roxas and sometimes, when Sora quieted down and stared out at the stars trying to remember a boy who was a lot like Axel but wasn't Axel at all, Axel almost thought he was.

It was at times like these that Axel would move closer to the blond-haired boy—brown-haired boy—and throw his arm across his shoulders in a familiar embrace. Whenever he did this, though, Roxas—Sora—would turn around and smile at him with a smile that could have blinded if it didn't make Axel see more clearly and realize that it wasn't Roxas he was holding.

Axel thought he really hated Sora in those moments, because Sora made Roxas fade away into dust over, and over, and over again and he hated that he knew he was using Sora only to replace the Sora—Roxas—he had lost. He hated, and hated, and hated, but hate requires an emotional capacity that Axel knew he did not have and he hated that even more.

Roxas wasn't Sora, and Sora wasn't Roxas, but the similarities as well as the differences made them so very much alike in Axel's eyes—especially when he didn't have the one he preferred to make comparisons—that he sometimes had trouble distinguishing one from the other. Sora only had to smile, when that happened, and Axel's own smile would disappear with the Roxas he missed so much.

"It hurts to look at me, doesn't it?" Axel was surprised that Sora even noticed—Sora wasn't known for his observational skills and Axel was too good an actor to let things slip to a boy who knew nothing of the real world and lived his life by a set of morals that he seemed to believe applied to everyone. When Axel didn't answer him, Sora asked quietly, "It does, doesn't it?" He reached up to grab a lock of Axel's spiky hair and pull the taller person down to face him at a more reasonable height and smiled brightly even as Axel refused to meet his eyes. "Why?"

"You're not Roxas," Axel answered simply, and there really wasn't anything else to say.

Sora understood, though, and smiled at Axel kindly in return. "It hurts to look at you too, Axel," he said sincerely, and gently let go of Axel's hair so that he could stand up straight again. "I'm not Roxas," he agreed quietly and closed his eyes. "I'm not Roxas, and you're not Riku."

—x—

-end-

* * *

This one was for Rach (Boys on Boysenberry-Hime), who was my 60th reviewer and an awesome, amazing friend. It must be noted, though, I don't think Axel is Riku's Nobody. I don't think Riku has a Nobody period. It's an interesting concept, but not one that I believe in. I hope you liked it, and please let me know whether you do or don't!

Next drabble: "Absence"  
_Axel waited for Roxas only because he had done so before and was sure he could do so again._


	11. Absence

Can you believe it? The FFnet updates have finally caught up to the LJ ones! Okay, okay, so I said I'd be in Taiwan...and I am in Taiwan. My uncle is letting me use his computer and internet access whenever I want, so I thought I'd post something. However, this means I have nothing else to post until I get back to the states and I can't exactly write anything here. (No matter how you try, you're not going to convince me to write G-rated pr0n on my uncle's computer.)

In any case, I wanted to thank you all very, very, very much for all the lovely reviews I've been receiving and the amount of favorites this series has just blows me away. Thank you all so much, and I hope you'll...well, hopefully enjoy this shot! (And please continue to let me know what you think, please!)

(x) **Date:** 2006.06.14  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 11  
Word Count: 327

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Absence" 

—x—

When Roxas left, Axel consoled himself by saying that Roxas was just going on another mission. Like that period of time when Sora had been running through the halls of Castle Oblivion and Roxas had to be sent out in order to keep the two from meeting. Axel had been able to stand Roxas' absence then, and he was certain that he could do so again.

Axel waited patiently, for months on end, for Roxas to return of his own volition, and nearly burned Demyx's sitar out of frustration when Roxas didn't. Having feelings meant having faith and losing faith and Axel was experiencing the latter. Roxas' absence was not something Axel was used to; he was used to the only Nobody that still had an Other always being there to ignore him even while being the only one to actually listen to him. He was used to Roxas' short, curt comments that both discouraged him and made him more determined to get the boy to acknowledge him.

He was used to Roxas just being there, not saying anything that could make him feel better but offering him his encouragement all the same.

But Roxas wasn't there, and Axel didn't know where he had gone. The Organization was still lying low, and Sora was still asleep, so Axel made himself a promise to search for Roxas as soon as he was given the okay—or maybe even before that. He had considered going rogue on the Order before, after all, and what did the Leader's word matter to him?

He thought that maybe he wouldn't need to search for Roxas period; because after all, Roxas was just on an extended mission for the Organization—it couldn't possibly take much longer than it had already taken; he'd be back soon.

And even if "soon" wasn't as soon as Axel would have liked, Axel had already been waiting for a very long time—he could wait a little longer.

—x—

-end-

* * *

This one's for Mocha, cause it's 1/3 for the...fourth time? Okay...so uh, I actually didn't like this one very much. I was actually going through a "I have no more ideas for this series..." sort of phase when I wrote it so when I typed it up, it was...uh. Crap. Since then it's gone through some three edits and I've tossed it at some friends for feedback—I was afraid it was too corny, so I threw it ata friend who isn't so fond of romance and she said it was fine and so I didn't scrap it. Um, yeah.

Oh, and no preview for the next drabble this time since it hasn't been written yet. But leave me a review and I'll type up the one I have in mind as soon as I get back to the states. (I get back on July 5th, so it would be up by July 6th, early morning. Promise.)

Love to you all (and please stick around),  
Kuroi


	12. Sunlit Garden

I know I promised to get this one to you by July 6th early morning at the latest, but things came up on my way back from Taiwan...first I got in trouble, then I got in trouble again, and then I had problems with my internet as well as dealing with the upcoming Holland trip (International Music Festival - I'm leaving for another two weeks on Friday) and problems with my portfolio pieces for college. I'm just one really busy, frustrated high school girl right now...BUT. I remembered you guys and felt bad for not writing anything SO I came up with something that I hoped would turn out well. 

It uh, didn't, not really, but I tried. It came out better after I did a lot of rewriting and rewording. In any case, I hope you guys like it and please let me know what you think of it whether you do or don't! (Help me reach 150? I'm so close to it—cause you guys are all amazingly awesome, of course.)

(x) **Date:** 2006.07.11  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 12  
Word Count: 434

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —   
"Sunlit Garden" 

—x—

On one of Axel's world-hopping trips, he came upon a technologically advanced city where everything was dull and lifeless. Being so full of life himself, the dark and moody atmosphere of the place didn't agree with his tastes and he only briefly scanned the area before leaving in a hurry. It was right before he left that he spotted a bright flash of color within a mostly ruined building and he took note of the discrepancy as he disappeared in black flames. 

The next time he visited, Axel brought Roxas with him and, remembering that flash of color, he dragged the blond-haired Nobody all over the city searching for it. It was in a holy place that he found what he was looking for, and the sight of it stopped him cold. The small patch of flowers centered right before the alter in the middle of the church were a bright and vivid contrast to the blank and colorlessness of the rest of the city.

Axel had never been a lover of nature, but he could appreciate its beauty and thought this single patch of white and yellow flowers was one the most beautiful things he'd ever seen in all the worlds he'd been to.

"It's pretty..." Roxas murmured quietly, as if a louder volume would break the holy atmosphere in the ruins of the small church. Roxas' voice was always quiet, but in that moment, Axel thought it sounded even softer than it normally did.

In this dark and busy world, the only ray of sunlight that shone with any brightness shone onto those flowers, and Axel thought it was very fitting. He felt calm and peaceful, standing in the center of the church and just staring at the tiny garden, and when he turned slightly to glance over his shoulder at Roxas, he felt a wide grin creep onto his face because he had seen the tiny smile Roxas had tried to hide and nothing could ever make him happier.

—

"Do you remember that sunlit garden we visited a while back?" Axel asked half a year later, after he had found Roxas once again. He didn't expect Roxas to remember, because Roxas didn't remember anything else, but Axel could never forget the first time he saw Roxas smile and so he didn't really mind if Roxas had forgotten because Axel could always remember for him.

Roxas thought for a while before he answered, his eyes blinking slowly in recognition as an image appeared before his eyes. "I remember a holy place," he said, "...and I remember feeling for once like I belonged."

—x—

-end-

* * *

This one's for Gogo because she's such an amazingly awesome friend that I adore talking to and it's also a congratulations for getting a job! I love you, Gogo—! This one also wasn't BL at all even though I still labeled it like that...eh.

A few things that should be noted...I decided, obviously, to just screw canon when writing this one. I loved the idea but couldn't figure out how to insert it and so I didn't bother. SCREW YOU, CANON. Second, for those of you that didn't figure it out, I went and plopped Axel and Roxas into Midgar and right before Aerith's little garden. I decided to screw Advent Children as well, since I loved that garden and Kadaj blew it up. (sob) ...And I think that's it. I lost myself a little along the way, but hopefully it found itself again in the end.

Love you all and please stick around (after letting me know what you think, of course.)  
—Kuroi

PS. Either a lot of people aren't reviewing or I'm getting a lot of rereads. I have 138 reviews approx for over 9000 hits (total). I don't write for reviews, but I wonder sometimes. Hearts to you all!


	13. Promise

I BEAT 150! I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK YOU SO MUCH. (And especially you, Gogo, for giving me those last three to break the barrier. Next goal, 200!)

It's the 18th and I am I've been in Holland since the 15th. I actually was up nearly all night last night talking to Gogo-chan and writing this. Yes. I wrote pr0n on a computer that's not mine. Don't you guys feel special? I have to be up early tomorrow, so I'm just posting this for you guys and then going to sleep.

Love you all, good night! (surprise me with reviews? Hee...hee...?)

(x) **Date:** 2006.07.17  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 13  
Word Count: 436

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Promise" 

—x—

Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Axel, and he was very sad for his best friend Roxas had decided to go on a trip. Axel supposed it would be a very long trip, because Roxas packed nearly everything he owned and that never bodes a short return. Roxas said he was moving far away, and that he wouldn't be back for a long, long time. 

"Why are you leaving," Axel asked, "don't you like it here?"

Roxas smiled up at Axel, and wrapped his arms around his waist in a gentle, friendly embrace—like those that happen often between close friends of a young age. "Don't worry," he said, "we'll always be friends. Nothing will ever change that."

Axel accepted this response with a large, wide smile that made Roxas' eyes light up in return and Axel thought that that was a pleasant "goodbye."

"Don't forget me," Axel asked with an anxious smile—he was afraid, as children often are, and Axel knew he would never forget Roxas whether Roxas forgot him or not. "I'll miss you a lot, and I'll think about you every day. So don't forget me, okay?"

"I would never forget you, Axel," Roxas reassured freely. He sealed his promise with a smile and a hug and Axel took his words to heart because that's what children do.

Roxas left soon after that, and Axel didn't wave goodbye. Axel stood on the street as Roxas walked away, and somehow he knew he would regret never asking Roxas to stay.

They never did meet again, not the Roxas and Axel they once knew each other as. As time passes by, people age, and with age comes both maturity and a loss of one's innocence.

Maybe a child's promise is synonymous to a promise that can't be kept.

And maybe a child's promise is something to be forgotten.

Roxas couldn't remember Axel, when they met face to face again, many years later. All he could recall were blurry images of a boy with red hair and sparkling green eyes that made him feel like the most important person in the world.

Strangers never gave him that feeling, so he didn't recognize Axel when he saw him.

Axel remembered Roxas, but Roxas obviously didn't remember him and so he didn't press after his first few attempts had been shot down.

They parted ways without ever having become friends.

"I will never forget you," Roxas had said.

A child's promise is just that; a child's promise.

Its words hold no merit.

And Axel wished, then, that children never had to grow up.

—x—

-end-

* * *

This one's for Chevi, for being an amazingly awesome clone!Nee-chan and for being a fair critic of my AkuRoku fic. I love her very much. 

It's a lot more whimsical than most of my other works, and I wrote it with _Shoujo Kakumei Utena_ in mind. As a brief explanation, it pretty much follows the timeline in the game and turns it into more of a faerie tale/narration. I hope it turned out well.

I'll probably write more AkuRoku while I'm here in Holland, so if you'd let me know what you thought of it, I'd very much appreciate it! This series lives and continues due to the amazingly awesome responses I got for it (I honestly don't have enough interest in the game itself to join the fandom. Heh.) Love for you all!


	14. Still Time

I've never gotten this many reviews for a fic before; so thank you all so very, very, very much. This one is kind of weird, but I like it because of it. Please ignore canon, because it has no business in this one. Hearts and happy faces to you all! (And please continue to let me know what you think of these! Please!)

(x) **Date:** 2006.07.23  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 14  
Word Count: 465

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Still Time" 

—x—

Axel pretends that he's real, sometimes. But he's not, and he knows this.

He smiles at Roxas and waves a hand before him, but Roxas gives no response and only looks through him, so he stops after a while. He laughs lightly, knowing that Roxas isn't really ignoring him—Roxas is just preoccupied with who he is and what he is and Axel understands that at times like these, Roxas doesn't want to talk anyway.

"I'll talk to you later, then," he says cheerfully and places a hand on Roxas' shoulder. Roxas doesn't answer, but Axel wasn't expecting him to so he removes his hand and walks away un-discouraged.

It's later, and Axel sees that Roxas is speaking to someone that he doesn't know—he wonders who, and calls out to Roxas to ask. Roxas still doesn't answer, and Axel wonders if he didn't shout loud enough for Roxas to hear. He decides not to interrupt again, though, because Roxas doesn't like it and he remembered this time.

Demyx is practicing with his sitar when Axel goes to find him, and he sits quietly—uncharacteristically so—wondering why Demyx hasn't stopped to say hello. Maybe Demyx hasn't noticed him, Axel thinks to himself, and so he grins his normal grin and claps Demyx on the back in greeting. When Demyx doesn't double over with the force of the blow, Axel realizes he's grown stronger and wonders when and how it happened. He says, "Wow, Demyx, I'm impressed!" and drapes his arm over the other boy's shoulder.

But like Roxas, Demyx doesn't respond either, and Axel is confused. He doesn't feel ignored—Demyx allows his arm to remain over his shoulders, but says nothing in return and only continues to practice. Axel thinks it must be awkward to play the sitar like that, and so he removes his arm and walks away.

He returns to Roxas, now, and as Roxas is alone, Axel thinks—hopes—that he will want to talk again. "So how is everything, Roxas?" he asks conversationally, "You didn't talk to me yesterday, so you'll have to talk a lot to make up for it today!"

Roxas remains silent for a long time, and Axel knows he's just thinking of the right way to phrase his answer. He doesn't know why it would take so long, but Roxas is Roxas and sometimes Roxas does things that Axel doesn't really understand and so he just accepts it without a word and waits patiently.

He never does receive an answer. Roxas turns and walks away, and when Axel runs ahead of him to block his path and demand a response—or at least a word of acknowledgment, Roxas walks right through him and Axel suddenly understands.

Axel died, and no one sees him anymore.

—x—

-end-

* * *

For my darling Mocha-koi, for being a great koi and stuff and being so awesome when we met in RL and etcetera. Still in Holland, still writing gen-rated pr0n, love me? Let me know what you thought, please! 


	15. Tragic Kingdom

And with TeleIce's review #170, I give you Devil's Trill #15, because I was just waiting for it to hit that number. Heh. Written while I was still in Holland (three days before I left), and during the second student showcase, which I did not perform in because I suck too much. Please ignore canon again, and like with drabble 13, the tone is somewhat whimsical—almost sing-song. Tell me, are you happy or sad after reading this?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and will let me know what you think! (And thank TeleIce, cause this thing has been sitting on my harddrive for the last two weeks, just waiting for #170 to come along. Hee.)

(x) **Date:** 2006.07.26  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 15  
Word Count: 335

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Tragic Kingdom" 

—x—

If Axel played the piano and violin (what a thought,) what would Roxas say?

He'd probably snort in disbelief, I think, because really, Axel doesn't seem like a music type of person.

Isn't that funny?

But as it turns out, Axel does play the violin. He plays the piano as well, and Roxas loves the music he produces.

Roxas loves Axel's music, and Axel loves Roxas. They are very happy together, Roxas and Axel—Axel's music—and any outsider looking upon them can see that they are perfect for each other.

Axel practices day and night for various concerts and performances, and Roxas just sits on the side and listens and just _is there_ (for Axel—for Axel's music.)

Roxas loves Axel's music.

It is one day while Axel and Roxas are on their way home (from a concert, dinner, recording—does it really matter where?) that, in the way these sorts of things tend to happen, they are involved in a rather terrible accident on the road.

Isn't that unlucky?

Axel is, miraculously, mostly unharmed from the accident—mostly.

His hands are—well, the doctors give him their encouragement by saying that he is lucky he isn't dead.

Axel almost wishes that he were, though—dead, that is—when he finds that he can never play the piano or the violin again.

Roxas is not as lucky as Axel, and he received a concussion in the crash. This worries Axel very much.

Because Roxas cannot remember him anymore.

Axel loves Roxas.

Roxas loves Axel. Axel's music. Used to love Axel's music.

But Roxas cannot remember.

What an unfortunate couple they are.

It is many, many years before Roxas is able to remember again. Axel is so grateful—years of love and attention and just _surviving_ haven't gone to waste.

Because Roxas remembers now.

But how sad they are, Axel and Roxas and their doomed and ruined love.

Axel loves Roxas, and Roxas loves Axel's music.

And Axel no longer has the hands to play.

—x—

-end-

* * *

For my darling Gogo-chan, who I love very much and waited up till 5am for even though she never showed up that night. I hope you guys liked it, and please let me know what you thought of it whether you did or did not (like it, that is.) Thank you very much before hand!

Next drabble: "One Step Forward"  
_Axel had never thought he'd get anywhere with Roxas, and he knew it was too good to be true when he finally did._  



	16. One Step Forward

Eh, the FFnet posts have fallen behind the actual series! I have up to drabble 18 written so far, and will work on drabble 19 soon. My reviewers are still some of the coolest people out there and I absolutely adore reading the feedback you all leave me for this series, so...let me know what you think of this one? (kukukukuku...) 

For my awesome clone!nee-chan, Chevi, who would (and did) appreciate the joke.

(x) **Date:** 2006.08.06  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 16  
Word Count: 676

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"One Step Forward" 

—x—

Axel's worst memory involved Roxas and ice cream. 

It had been a very, very hot day, Axel remembered. So hot, that for the first time in Xemnas knew how long, Axel found himself actually having to take _off_ that black cloak the Organization insisted he wear. (Not that he had any complaints—that cloak did show off his hips very well.)

He and Roxas had been sitting somewhere in some world in some town, licking at those sea salt flavored ice cream bars that Roxas loved so much (he wasn't so fond of them himself, but if Roxas liked them, who was he to refuse?). It was the ice cream, he later reflected, that was the cause of all the problems that followed.

He had watched, out of the corner of his eye, as Roxas' tongue licked slowly from one end of the bar to the other, his eyes closed as he savored the sweet (and salty?) taste of the ice cream.

To Axel, the heat had already been record high.

Now, it was unbearable.

"You know, Roxas," he started in a cheerful, informative tone of voice. "We've known each other for a very long time...a very, very, very long time..."

"...Yeah, so?"

Roxas didn't seem to care, Axel realized, but he would push on. He had to get through to Roxas, or their relationship might never be the same again. He hoped, almost, that their relationship _wouldn't_ be the same—that it would be better, with more action. So he just smiled and continued, "We've loved each other for a very, very, very long time..."

"You keep telling yourself that."

Did Roxas really think so badly of him—of _them_? Did he really doubt the love they had for each other? Axel felt a stab at his heart with each uncaring word that fell from Roxas' lips. Still, he was Axel, and Axel was nothing if not determined.

"Well, I was thinking," he paused, not sure how to word his request. "I was thinking that...maybe it's about time we moved our relationship one step forward."

"To hugging?"

Oh, burn...

"I was thinking..."

"I find that hard to believe."

That hurt, it really did.

"That maybe we could have sex?" The silence that settled between them was awkward, and Axel thought perhaps he shouldn't have asked that particular question. Maybe he was moving too fast, maybe Roxas wasn't ready to go that far? Maybe he had _ruined their relationship already by asking Roxas that question_! He coughed uncomfortably and plastered a shaky grin to his face and tried to laugh it off. "Look, I was just—"

"Sure."

"...Wait, what?"

Axel wasn't quite sure he had heard Roxas correctly. He had been willing to get down on his knees and apologize for his forwardness—he had been willing to beg Roxas to forgive him and remain his best (his only) friend.

And Roxas was...Axel was confused.

"I said, sure, Axel. Don't make me say it again."

"Okay, okay." Holding up his hands, Axel laughed and threw an arm around Roxas' shoulder. "So..."

"So...?"

"So, how are we going to do this?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Right."

—

The sex afterwards was...in one word, attempted. 

Attempted because it really, didn't quite work out.

"You're...you're..."

"You can say it, Axel. It's just one little word..."

"You're...you're..."

Roxas snickered, taking an uncharacteristic, sadistic pleasure in Axel's shocked and horrified expression. He could freely admit that he didn't have much of a sense of humor, but the opportunity was really just too good to pass up.

"You're an eunuch!" Axel exclaimed in a high-pitched shriek, his eyes shut tight in an effort to wipe the image from his mind.

"You don't have to shout, Axel," said Roxas calmly as he pulled his clothes on again, "it's not like I don't know it."

And Axel just sat there, wishing he had never heard of sea salt ice cream.

"You're so mean, Roxas," he said, and his voice quivered from the shock he had just received. "That was a horrible joke."

—x—

-end-

* * *

...It was a _joke_, dammit! Stop shooting me! 

(Being a eunuch just means Roxas would have to be on bottom. And we all know that if Roxas wanted to top, Axel would be on all fours in a second. Mnhm.)

So, uh, leave me reviews? The next one is written, extra long, and I think the best one I've written so far. So...let me know what you think of this one and I'll post the next one soon! (Please!)

Next drabble: "Listening"  
_Roxas' goodbyes said three words in one, and although Roxas never listened, he was sure Axel's said the same thing._


	17. Listening

**F R E E . T A L K**

...sigh. ((sniff)) Nobody appreciates a good joke. Three reviews for number 16? I'm disappointed. Ah well, I said I didn't write for reviews, and I don't, but I was sort of hoping for a little better. Heh. Anyway, the lack of updates in the last two weeks was not because of the lack of reviews but rather my lack of being-not-in-trouble. I just got in huge trouble again, and have not only been barred from internet access, but from computer access altogether. Since this prevents me from typing up anything at all, much less posting it on the web, I figured I'd try to sneak on at some point to give this one to you. It's my best one to date, and I hope that when I do get my computer back, there'll be a more favorable response? (Help me hit 200 on this one to make up for the last one? XD;) ...uh...oh, right, I'm on my teacher's computer at school right now...so be nice to me? I love you all still! (And most of all the people who gave me responses. Hearts and cookies (or whatever sweets you like) to you!) 

Oh, and uh, you might want tissues for this one. I was rambling for freetalk I forgot to give notes! Anyway, this one is a little off on the characterization than I would normally write it, and I was actually not so happy with the way it came out. But it took me 4 days of pondering and thinking, about two hours of writing, and then at least a dozen rewordings and rewritings before I was semi-satisfied with it. The theme is "not listening when you say goodbye", further condensed into "not listening".

And finally, I'm fiddling with canon again. Why? Because I can and because I exhausted my lack-of-imagination's supply of canon situations by the fifth drabble.

(x) **Date:** 2006.08.08 - 2006.08.11  
(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 17  
Word Count: 997

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Listening" 

—x—

He didn't know how it had started, him and Axel and whatever it was they had between them. Roxas had never really paid attention to the older Nobody except to tell him, "Shut up, you're annoying." Axel liked him, though, and for the most part, followed Roxas around like a stray dog. 

Perhaps it had started as just a minor curiosity on Axel's part. Axel tended to latch on to things that interested him; and to him, Roxas was probably the most interesting thing in all of Castle Oblivion. This curiosity eventually grew into a fondness for the blond-haired Nobody, and that grew...out of control.

Roxas didn't know how it had started, but he knew that Axel had begun to _feel_ when he shouldn't have been able to in the first place.

It confused him, their situation.

He didn't like things he didn't understand.

And so he ignored what he didn't like and that was most of what went on around him.

—

"I love you," Axel said one day. Roxas wasn't sure if Axel even knew what he was talking about—Nobodies didn't love because they _couldn't_, and Roxas knew Axel wasn't (shouldn't have been) any different. 

For a while, Roxas had no response, and Axel looked almost disappointed. He didn't really _look_, though, and so he never knew what Axel was thinking inside. "How?" he finally asked.

He wasn't really expecting Axel to have an explanation, so he wasn't surprised when he didn't. Not a clear-cut one, anyway. Instead, Axel just smiled at him—that close-eyed, white toothed grin of his—and said, "In theory we aren't supposed to feel anything, but I love you anyway."

There was another long silence as Roxas thought over Axel's words before finally asking, "Why?"

Axel didn't answer, and Roxas assumed it was because he didn't have one. He didn't mind though—the lack of answer, that is—because he wasn't listening anyway.

Roxas never heard those words from Axel again—not directly, at least. But sometimes when he slept, he'd hear whispers; "I love you, I love you, I love you," and subconsciously, he'd take those words and keep them close to a heart he didn't have because it was _Axel_ and Axel was the only one he—he what?

Sometimes, Roxas wondered what it would be like to say those words back—to wake up and look at an Axel who hid in the shadows and just _smile_ for once and say those three, simple words. He sometimes wondered if he even could (say those words). He never tried, though, because Nobodies didn't—couldn't—feel, and how could those three words be true if he couldn't feel the emotions they described?

So Roxas kept silent and those midnight whispers continued without ever receiving a response.

He had no regrets.

—

Axel had said he'd miss him, when Roxas left the Organization. But Roxas didn't remember at first, and so all Axel could do when he found him was embrace him and say those three words again and again. 

"Will you ever return these feelings I have?" Axel asked at one point. The question was awkward, and Roxas didn't know how to answer him. Axel knew that, and didn't press for a response. "Never mind," he said quietly, "it doesn't matter."

But it did, and _Roxas_ knew that.

Summer vacation ended all too soon, and for the first and last time, Roxas met Sora. Axel had already left by then, and Roxas faded away with a soft, "goodbye," that said three words in one. He wondered, as both Sora and not, if Axel had heard his words even if they were spoken into thin air and he envied Sora of his never-ending summer.

He thought that maybe if Axel listened hard enough—as hard as he had once tried not to—he'd hear the words he said.

Maybe, Roxas thought, maybe Axel had said, "goodbye," as well.

But unlike Axel, Roxas never listened and so he heard nothing.

—

Their first goodbye had been said when Roxas left and disappeared. Their second and last was saved for when Axel did the same. 

Unlike Roxas, however, Axel wouldn't be coming back.

It was through Sora's eyes that Roxas watched as Axel burned in his own black fire and it was in Sora's voice that Roxas asked why he had done what he had (to save them—to save him).

Axel seemed to know it was Roxas, though, and so when he answered, it was in the same tone he had always said those three words in. "You made me feel like I had a heart, Roxas," he had said quietly—they were heartfelt as last words always are, but Roxas had already stopped listening. "You made me feel like I had a heart, and that's why I could love you."

His goodbye went unheard, because Roxas had interrupted—in a tone as loud as the one he always complained about, "Shut up, shut up, shut _up_," he said. "I'm not listening, _shut up_!"

Because if he didn't listen, then maybe Axel wouldn't really leave.

He closed his eyes—Sora's eyes—as Axel faded away the way he once had, and he didn't see the last, bright and cheerful grin that Axel had saved just for him.

Maybe, he had hoped, maybe if he kept his eyes closed and just _believed_, then when he opened his eyes again Axel would still be there.

It didn't work, and when Sora's eyes opened again, Roxas couldn't see Axel at all and he felt as if he had lost something important. He didn't like the feeling at all, but couldn't ignore it like he did everything else he didn't like because it was _Axel_ and Axel's presence was a lot easier to ignore than his lack of one.

He thought then that he'd say, "I love you" as many times as Axel wanted to hear it, if only it would make the feeling go away.

—x—

-end-

* * *

For the very, amazingly talented Emi-chan, who let me grab some of her Ren icons and has been very cool and tolerant and kind to me. (I know I can get annoying. T.T 

Let me know what you thought of it? I'm going back to finish my Chinese homework now, please let me have reviews to read the next time I manage to get on the net (for long enough to check my email?) Love and kisses to you all! Unless you don't like chocolate, then maybe not the kisses.

(The next one has a picture too. :D)

Next drabble: "Vacation"  
_Axel hates summer vacation, because Roxas fades away when it's over._


	18. Vacation

**F R E E . T A L K**

(x) **Date:** 2006.08.14

(x) **Author:** Kuroi

(x) **Pairing:** Axel/Roxas, and if you squint and search for it, Axel/Riku (but don't. This one's gen, like most of the other ones.)  
(x) **Warnings:** BL  
(x) Kingdom Hearts II © Square Enix

Installment: 18  
Word Count: 313

* * *

— D E V I L ' S . T R I L L —  
"Vacation"

—x—

Axel disliked the autumn season with a passion because it meant that summer (vacation) was over, and the last time vacation ended, Roxas disappeared.

He knew that somewhere within Sora, Roxas still lived on in both mind and personality, but Sora's own character shone so brightly that everyone who looked at him was blinded to Roxas' presence.

He disliked Sora as well for that reason.

But even if he _did_ hold strong feelings of animosity towards the Key Bearer, he still stayed near, if only to catch a glimpse from time to time of the Roxas who was his most precious person.

It was through Sora that Axel met Riku.

From the beginning, Riku reminded him greatly of Roxas. Not in appearance—he didn't think it was possible for anyone other than Sora to resemble Roxas on the outside—but in character and personality. They both were quiet, somewhat subdued emotionally, and didn't smile very widely. In this, Roxas and Riku were practically identical because they seemed as if they could be—or had once been—otherwise. Roxas was Sora and Sora was Roxas; but while Roxas never smiled, Sora always grinned so widely that Axel thought his face would split. On the other hand, Riku didn't smile very often, but when he did, it was with an ease that told Axel he must have been far happier in the past.

They were very much alike, Roxas and Riku.

And finally, to Axel, he had found Roxas in a body whose own person wouldn't outshine the Nobody within.

—

"Hey, Riku?"

"Yeah?"

"Summer vacation is almost over."

"Aa, but we don't go to school, so every day is summer vacation."

"...You know—last year, around this time...Roxas' summer vacation ended, and Sora's began for good."

"...Oh?"

"I resent him for that."

"...Hey, Axel?"

"Yeah, Rox—Riku?"

"Let's go on vacation."

"...Aa—that sounds good."

—x—

-end-

* * *

For Sou for being one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. As well as for AkuRoku day (8/13) when I would have done something but didn't have time to, etc.


End file.
